Tuesday, January 5, 2016

The Young and The Faithless




      It's rare that I find myself at a standstill, staring a page of paper with nothing on it, but that's where I have been... standing stagnant, with no real direction in my writing until I had a nigga ask me recently did I have faith in him. I just looked at my phone, laughed, and coldly replied, 'No...'  I have only put all my faith and trust into one man... and it has been like that since I met him. No matter how many times he lets me down, and I'm left peeling eggshell off my face, I do it all again, and I'll probably always simply because he makes me feel safe.

     Here's my thing, stand for what you believe in... not what your peers, your pastor, or your surroundings believe in. Not everything someone does is going to make sense to you, and that is because you were not made, built, or programmed to understand. Don't spend so much time trying to justify someone else's actions when they are put up against what you 'would have' done.  As unique as we are (or we try to be) we tend to move in a pattern, with the flow of the fish around us.  We are influenced (heavily might I add) by our immediate surroundings, may they be friends, parents, siblings, or whomever you spend the majority of your time with.

    I've put such a hard exterior up, like a bulletproof vest. I have made a reputation for myself that screams, 'Bitch I DON'T GIVE A FUCK' when really I give every fuck. So, instead of doing what I feel is right on the inside, I tend to make decisions based off what I think (or thought) everyone would expect me to do.  This left me feeling empty and I've wasted so so sooo much time, because now I'm back pedalling trying to fix the things I said 'Fuck it' to before.  DON'T BE ME!

    Companionship with little distraction is ideal for me, now anyway. I let social media and people in my circle dictate how I have handled past relationship problems. I let 'In house shit' be put in front of the public to be judge AND jury. In a world fueled by social media, private messages, and side pieces, a little distraction turns into a dissolution of your relationship.  With all this going on, how does one still have faith in their significant other?

    It has to be super power strength, jump off a building, tight rope walking type of trust that they're not out here doing some shit to make you look dumb that keeps relationships together now a days... and honestly that's some shit that you either have or you fucking don't.  That's not some shit that you just give to anyone... and honestly, I really don't know how one can earn it... It's like how people say they fell in love at first sight... when you meet someone, you just know.

     What I'm saying is, find someone that you CAN and WANT to have faith in.  Trust your gut.  Someone you don't even need a plan b or back up plan for. Don't be afraid to put your faith and trust into someone that you feel in your gut is worth it.  Lead by example... show them that you are willing to put in the work just like them and keep lines of communication open.  The era we live in today makes things hard BUT nothing worth having is going to be easy to maintain. Do me a favor and don't be afraid to fall in love whole hearted.  I want to show my daughter that LOVE is real and not just a word. Find the faith in yourself and put your best foot forward (and that is with anything that you plan to attach your name to not just a relationship). Don't limit yourself because of what your neighbors have or had... Find your own peace and happiness.

XoXo...
Nok


Follow me on IG @BlondeGirlNok
FB fan page BlondeGirl Nok
SnapChat @BlondeGirlNok
BlondeGirlNok.blogspot.com