Everytime I thought I reached a moment of clarity before, I was wrong. I had just switch the kind of jaded glasses. No situation was ever better than the other, it was just deteriorated me differently. They were trials that I had to experience so I can teach my daughter to maneuver differently. I'm grateful to have a corner of peace. I don't have the whole thing. I'm working on it though.
In each bad decision I make (not made because I'm still actively making bad choices), I lose a piece of my sanity, I give away more of my power that I am so proud of. I have literally let someone else change me .... Mold ME !! ... Imagine that ... Someone having control of me ... I've been subconsciously manipulated into thinking what I've gone through is ok ... But in THIS moment ... THIS time I see things again differently ... Maybe not necessarily right ... But definitely different.
So now here I am ... Walking around packing ... Reminiscing ... Packing ... Laughing ... Packing ... Crying ... Packing ... An I stop to think ... that this move is about to be phenomenal for me ... I almost let the opportunity pass me by ... Why? Because I was JADED ... I was made to believe that what was here ... In this small city ... Could surpass the possibilities that wait for me anywhere else ... An I do mean ANYWHERE BUT HERE.
So I'm moving now ... And en route I'm finding small particles on the floor in the house my mother and father raised me in ... And they look familiar ... I touch them and they feel like I've touched them before ... I'm staring at them in awe of what I see ... And I realize that they are pieces of the old me ... Broken pieces that I left behind each time I let a nigga break me ... And I'm piecing them together and seeing the girl my mother and father raised ... Pieces of me that I assumed were lost !!
This move I'm making is going to break the vicious cycle I have been in the last few years ... This is a move in the right direction. I'm busting out of my comfort zone in order to continue to build for my family in the future ... They say never regret anything ... But I regret everything but the birth of my daughter and my blog ...
This is the end ... And the beginning ...
Look for my official website, featured interviews, and sponsorship opportunities.
If interested in being a part in anyway of the come up and for t shirt sales EMAIL ME AT WENEEDNOK@gmail.com !!
Tune into NoChill Radio
Every Thursday night 7:15-9:15
Listen2Diamond.com
Follow my IG @BlondeGirlNok
Like my FB fan page BlondeGirl Nok
Twitter @BlondeGirlNok
This has made me shed tears because not only I have been in your shoes before...but I have also been in emotional spins & lost touch of personality and changes of self. I'm glad you're leaving Pittsburgh and be able to grow out in Texas. Keep writing blogs you have finally found your Muse!
ReplyDeleteI think we as women have been on that roller coaster so many times it's ridiculous but when the opportunity comes to jump off that bitch you have to cease it. I applaud you for making a change and choosing a different path.
ReplyDeleteReading this was all too familiar... I think us as females can all relate in some way....
ReplyDeleteYou just told some parts of my life that I would never even speak on trying to earse the memories... Smiling as if everything OK but behind that smile is really tears... But with mistakes comes growth... I'm happy for you an you just gave me inspiration... I wish you the best in your future endeavors...
Love it and good luck on your new beginning
ReplyDeleteJust caught up on the blogs. I think it's awesome that you write your trials and tribulations it allows your reader's to feel close to you . Letting them know their not alone. I can relate to each and every blog. You keep doing what's best for you and yours . People and opportunities are placed in our lives for a reason . May Jehovah strengthen you when you are weak so you can be the best in all your goals.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete